Peace. Love. BTR

I’m giving up, so just catch me

Veronica’s POV

“Wha-what?” I asked the doctor as I felt myself begin to sink down to the ground.

“I’m sorry sweetie, we, we tried everything…”

I didn’t know how to feel, I didn’t know what to feel. All I knew is that I felt like shit. This was all my fault.

Kendall is dead and it’s all your fault

I heard the voice in my head hiss. It kept repeating itself over and over again like a broken record.

Kendall is dead and it’s all your fault

I began to sob as I sat in the hallway of the hospital. I heard footsteps beginning to approach me. It was Carlos. He had tears forming in his eyes when I looked up at him. It caused me to cry more as I stood up, burying my head in his chest.

“Carlos, It’s all my fault!” I said through my sobs.

“Veronica! Don’t say that! It’s not your fault, it was just his time to go.” Carlos said as he wiped the stray tears from his face.

“No! Carlos you don’t get it! I was saying goodbye to James out by the car and I knew Kendall was sick! And I left him in the damn house by himself! If I would’ve been there he would be in a hospital bed right now being treated. But he’s not! He’s going to be in the damn ground in a few days!!!!” I screamed, running down the hallway and out the front doors of the hospital. It was raining outside. The rain was cold against my hot skin and it caused me to collapse on the ground.

I layed there on the pavement, thinking. I thought about everything. From the possible baby that I may have had to what Kendall and I’s relationship could’ve turned into. Then I thought about the rain. The clouds that loomed overhead were unwelcoming and dark. The rain fell in sheets and hit my face, blending with my salty tears.

Please don’t cry Ronnie

I heard a different voice in my head, this one didn’t hiss the horrible words of what happened earlier. It was almost welcoming and warm. It reminded me of…..

Kendall.

“No, that’s not possible, you’re just imagining things.” I told myself, looking away from the sky. “Kendall?” I still managed to mutter, as if it was him he could hear me.

I’m fine Ronnie, please don’t cry

I heard the voice say again. I opened my eyes and look back up, seeing the sun begin to poke through the clouds. It caused me to smile a little. Kendall wanted me to know he was ok, I just knew it.

I laughed a little, “I know Kendall, I know.” I quietly said, picking myself up from the pavement.

“Ronnie!” I heard a voice say as I looked up.

It was James, There he was standing there, in the rain, soaking wet.

“Ronnie, I, it’s,-” He couldn’t find the right words to say, so I just wrapped my arms around his torso, hugging him tightly.

I felt him begin to sob. James and Kendall had been best friends since kindergarden, they were practically brothers.

You tore apart the closest friendship you were aware of.

The unwelcoming voice in my head hissed, causing me to cry some more.

“James, I’m so sorry!” I sobbed, “If I would’ve just brought him here when he said he was having chest pains, we wouldn’t be here!” I pulled myself closer to him.

“It’s not your fault Ronnie…” He said, trying to hide his sadness.

A loud clap of thunder was heard in the distance as it started to rain harder.

Please let this be a dream, please let me wake up any second to find Kendall fine in the guest room…

Please, God, don’t take this away from me